​
Seek first to understand

A 22-yr old wrote to me last week: ​
I'm feeling overwhelmed by anxiety and self-doubt.
My father's taunts and discouragement have hindered my pursuit of an MBA.
​I resent them so much. I just don't want any relationship with them. No matter how much I look toward the positive side of this, I just can't. ​
They don't provide anything now; neither financial support nor emotional support. I'm grateful to them for giving me an education, a roof over my head, and food to eat. But that's not all.

I asked her the following questions:
How easy/hard was his childhood and upbringing?
What responsibilities did he have to bear?

Her replies were:
How easy/hard was his childhood and upbringing? ​
I don't know much about it, as he never mentioned it.
Based on what I've observed, he didn't talk to his father.
As for his financial condition, I don't know anything about it.

What responsibilities did he have to bear? ​
I have no information about his childhood - I don't think there were any responsibilities as such.
After he got married, during the initial 14 years he used to take care of our needs (me, my sister, and my mother) which included childcare, education, clothing, and other expenses and his personal expenses also.
​After that, we started living on our own.
It's been 9 years, and he has taken care of every need of the family (nuclear) i.e., housing, bills, school fees, healthcare, groceries, etc) - almost everything.

She ended her email with an honest and vulnerable question: ​
I don't feel seen whenever I make a suggestion or put my point forward, how can I improve this as well?

This was my exact reply: ​
The fact that you don’t know so much about his life, and thus, where he is coming from - is an indication that he too has never felt seen by you.
Or even your family, since your mother also doesn’t know anything. ​
That makes the two of you the same.

And herein lies the way to start building a relationship. ​
It is not you vs him. ​
It is not your point of view vs his. ​
It is not, "Why doesn’t he understand me?"​
​​
Instead, it is, "How can I understand him?
​How can I hear him out?
​How can I give him the space to feel heard?
​So that he can create the space to hear me?"

We often view our parents through a narrow lens, focusing on their actions and words without considering their own experiences and struggles.
Often, it's not about you versus them; it's about finding common ground and building a relationship based on empathy and understanding. ​
Seek first to understand, then to be understood.
​(Share on X)​

Want to get mentored by me?

I love mentoring. But I rarely do it because of bandwidth.
This year, I want to change that.
​I will be mentoring 5 people in their career for 1 full year. ​
But I don't want to pick the brightest people to mentor - who are already in awesome jobs or are the top-ranking students.
So here is what I have decided:

Buy my latest book on careers, 'Build An Epic Career', and 5 people will be selected to be mentored by me for 1 full year.
Everyone who buys will not just get the book, but also assured career tools ranging from career courses, Naukri.com Premium membership to access to a job board with cool internships and full-time opportunities.
But the offer is valid only till Jan 12th.

​Click here to get a chance to be mentored by me.​

Book I read this week

​

​ON AGGRESSION by Sir Julian Huxley.
Quite a crazy book. Sir Julian, A Nobel Prize winner, claims that aggression is hard-wired into the human psyche, and war, to that effect, is an inevitable effect. He claims this based on his extensive research in animals while extrapolating it to humankind. Such was the impact of his book that UNESCO, in 1989, issued a statement condemning his work in many ways.

My fourth book, 'Build An Epic Career', is now available for pre-order. It launches Jan 20th. Learn more about the book here.

​

​

Question of the week

Have you had mentors in your life?

• Have had and they helped a lot
• Have had but they didn't help much
• Plan to have one soon
• Don't believe in mentors
• Plan to have one but don't know how

(and see the results of others, too)

​

Results of last week's question

When young, we tend to be constantly dissatisfied with almost everything, as is visible in these results. And then as we age, we realize we are getting there. So if you are young and feel nothing is still under control, relax. It is normal :)
​
​My response?​
All of these aspects. Super happy with life right now.

3-2-1
​

3 pics from last week

We were in Greece for our winter holidays.
Fascinating country - people, food and history absolutely on point. Sharing 3 pics from there:

The Athens Acropolis.

Our villa in Paros.

Beautiful cathedral in Crete.

​
2 quotes I wish to share

What will you do with an ego if all that it does is stop you from learning?

​

Everything that you do, everything, will have someone or the other disapproving it.
The goal isn’t then to do something that has no disapproval.
The goal is to persist despite the disapproval.

​

1 new thing I learnt this week

The movie, 'Her', which was based on a man falling in love with his voice assistant (think Siri or Ok Google), was based in 2025.
The year is going to be fun, haha!
​

​
🎙️ My top content from last week
​

📹 YouTube:​ How much we earned in 202​4​

📱 Instagram: The butterfly effect​

🐥 Twitter: I didn't write my own books​

🎧 Podcast: 2024 Summary​
​

​

You can, of course, always write to me by simply replying to this newsletter.

I love reading all your emails, even though I may not be able to reply to them all.
Yes! I READ ALL MY EMAILS. ALL OF THEM.​
​(2025 se bahut high expectations ki kasam)

​